Classic Gone-and-Forgotten: US 1

"Hi friendly friends! My name is Bat-Mite, but you can call me by my real name ... Delirium Tremens."

"I've got solid money down that most of you remember me - yep, I was that pesky imp who idolized Batman and would cause no end of hilarious hi-jinks when I'd teleport in from my magical Fifth Dimension to aid my pointy-eared buddy in his unending fight against crime."

"HAHA! No, seriously, I'm just the natural result of an obsessive personality's inevitable slide towards mental enfeeblement. I'm an hallucination of the highest degree! Batman's been so on edge ever since that Parricide thing that you can bet he's seeing little, magical, floating Truman Capote's in every shadowy corner. Yeah, the guy's nuts. Never mind that thing he's got, dressing like Dracula and scaring the Hell out of derelicts and hobos - you should see some of the stuff he's totally repressed about Robin ... all three of 'em."

---

Amazingly, this book was NOT written by Gerry Conway. I know. I can hardly believe it myself.

So come take a little journey with us. It's 1983 and Marvel Comics - flushed on the success of top-selling fan favorite X-Men, critically accalimed Epic titles and a string of lucrative liscensed books - is adroitly attempting to cash in on the trucking and CB craze which swept America .... five years previous. Ten-Four good buddies!

Running twelve issues, US1 follows the adventure of U.S.Archer and his amazing cybernetic big rig US1 as they travel down US Highways and USe restrooms and the USual stuff all across the USA. U See?

US1 was something like Speed Racer with wide loads, from the assortment of vehicle-oriented villains right down to the family connection. In fact, like Speed's brother Racer X, US's brother Jeff was a mysteriously-clad driver whose path continually crossed with his brother's. The only difference was that, in his disguise as the Highwayman and driving the "devil-truck" Blackrig, Jeff was trying to off his brother.

The rest of the cast included US and Jeff's adoptive folks, the tragically nicknamed "Wide-Load Annie," and her husband "'Poppa' Wheelie.' Get it? 'Poppa' Wheelie. HAHAHAHA. Also part of the crew were US's dense mechanic friend Retread (No, not Retard), short order cook and love interest Mary McGrill and femme fatale Taryn O'Connell....

Hey, waitaminnit. Taryn O'Connell? What does THAT name have to do with BIG RIGS!? Whu- why - it's not a lame pun at all! It's -- its .... oh wait, sorry ... her nickname is "Taryn Down The Highway." My mistake.


As to the story, following a near-fatal run-in with his disguised brother and that darn "devil-truck," US has a metal plate installed in his skull - turns out the thing can pick up and receive short wave broadcasts, and so US1 disturbingly christens it his "CB Skull." With that and his rig, US takes on adventure all across the nations, including more run-ins with the Highwayman, races with competing drivers (inlduing Taryn) and a confrontation with the deadly, "hypno-whip" wielding Midnight - secretly a possessed Mary McGrill turned evil.

In between attempts by the legal team of Clutch, Grab and LeGreed (sigh) to foreclose on Poppa and Wide Load's diner (The Short Stop), US is visited by the representative of an alien federation seeking an Terran trucker to represent our humble little world in civilized space. In a final issue blowout, pencilled by guest artist Steve Ditko, US and Jeff race for the privilige of being the first intergalactic errand boy (eat THAT, Futurama). Ultimately, and obviously, the race ends with US as the victor and the entire cast - minus a suddenly repentant and solemn Taryn O'Connell - moving to the fringes of known space - where I would have stranded them at the beginning of the first issue, but that's just me.

Never mind the more curious parts of the final story, such as US1 being fitted to operate as a space vehicle, or the inexplicably savage and totally unjustified sibling rivalry between Jeff and US, or the alien with the barely perceptible but often mentioned trucker-lingo-laced accent; I'll always remember US1 for one line of dialogue, uttered by Jeff as he pilots into space, and one which I feel describes the greater portion of comics published annually:

"No! I don't like it! It's too big, too dark! And it makes my stomach hurt!"

• An ending like you never expected
• This is pretty much pure Ditko
• The Majesty of space. Gosh!